It’s our only hope. But the only thing that reads a DVD9 is Mr. Johnson’s personal computer in the boiler room.

Janine, dear. That’s like trying to pour the entire Delaware River into a sippy cup.

(frustrated) Why is everything at this school one step away from the landfill?!

is trying to sell the scratched master copy DVD on eBay as “Rare Artisanal Mirror (some scratches).” Starting bid: $1,000.

I had a moment of clarity. It felt gross.