Blackbeard (McShane) set down his knitting needles and lit one of the fuses in his beard just for the sparkle. “Alright, you scallywags,” he boomed, though his eyes twinkled. “Back to work. And someone get that missionary a hairdryer before he prays for a hurricane.”

Nearby, (Blackbeard himself) sat in a canvas chair, sipping tea from a thermos. His costume, a tangle of smoking fuses and leather, looked less like piracy and more like a rock-and-roll apocalypse. He was knitting a tiny purple scarf for his granddaughter. “The trick,” he rumbled to Geoffrey Rush (the ever-scheming Barbossa), who was sharpening his wooden leg with a file, “is to terrify the crew before lunch. After lunch, they’re too sleepy for a proper mutiny.”

As the crew reset for the next take, Barbossa took a bite of a green apple and winked at Jack. “The day, matey,” he whispered, “is still young enough for a little treason.”

And somewhere in the background, a sound guy dropped a coconut, and the entire cast of Pirates 4 —villains, lovers, and lunatics—burst into genuine, un-piratical laughter.

“You’re a terrible missionary, Philip,” Syrena teased, flicking water at him. “You can’t even convert a water bottle to stay dry.”

“I’m a man of faith, not a man of waterproofing!” he protested, shielding his face.

, still in full Captain Jack Sparrow regalia but with reading glasses perched on his kohl-rimmed eyes, was explaining to Penélope Cruz the proper way to balance a stolen lemon on a bottle of rum. She, as the fierce Angelica, countered by stealing his lemon and hiding it in her cascade of black curls.

Cruz finally produced the lemon from her hair. “See? Real pirates don’t need maps. Just good hiding places.”